Saver vs. Spender
Recently, on the Wevorce blog, we opened up a ;conversation about Divorce Archetype™ ;profiles and offered a preview of groundbreaking research we’ve compiled over recent years. This post continues our series: Divorce Archetype™ Profiles Uncovered. Today, we explore the Saver vs Spender profiles.
Saver
In the Saver profile, we find Savers like to — you got it — save up for a rainy day. They will plan ahead and put money aside before making an important purchase. Having a financial cushion for unexpected emergencies makes Savers feel safe.
When it comes to divorce a Saver will be more secure about surviving the transition from one household into two because they’ve prepared for financial setbacks such as this.
Spender
Spenders somehow always find enough money to buy what they want. Saving for a rainy day doesn’t motivate a Spender, they’ll cross that bridge when they come to it. Spenders like to buy things and it makes them feel good.
A Spender may have some debt because they tend to spend above their income. Transitioning from one household into two may be a struggle financially since they usually don’t have money set aside.
Differing financial philosophies.
Saver and Spender profiles are extreme opposites, and in a marriage, sometimes those opposing philosophies about money remain unresolved. Possibly, such conflict can lead to divorce. If this is the case, the fundamental problems of finances added to an already stressed relationship can mean a bumpy road ahead.
Money is a tool, but for many, emotions are attached and that is what makes it a sticky issue. If things are going badly for a Spender, they may begin to rely on spending as therapy. This may become a problem when separating one household into two. Rather than observing the need to budget for the transition, they might run the opposite direction in an attempt to make themselves feel better at a time when they don’t feel safe and secure.
Savers, on the other hand, may not understand what is driving their spouse to be so (what they might consider) irresponsible. They cannot see the underlying emotional need when spending is counterintuitive to achieving safety or security for their family.
In a current article, Wevorce explored Money Matters: Make Smart Financial Decisions When Divorce Looms to provide some expert advice on this oftentimes touchy subject:
When it comes to money, it’s just math. Yet, we tend to attach value and emotions to it. Emotions can numb us out to our choices and make us forget to simply do the math.
By taking the value out of finances, it allows us to be clear on what is needed to achieve a fair and equitable division of assets and debts. Without all the emotions, we can be more honest and open about money, to ourselves and the partner we have shared our lives with. Only then can we approach the separation of those lives with the calm rationality that will give both sound building blocks in which to start anew.
Divorce will affect your marital finances.
When it comes to money, this can be the toughest hurdle to get over during a divorce. More often than not, this is the area many couples seek help with. So consider reaching out to a financial professional who specializes in divorce; it may well be worth the cost.
In the first of a series of articles for weLife, Divorce and Taxes — Part I: Filing Status and Dependents, Kristine Rushing says, “When you said ‘I do’ you may not have given much thought to what you were doing. Legally, that is. The reality is that all you really did was change your tax filing status from Single to Married. Pretty simple, right?
“It doesn’t become complicated until you decide to divorce. The financial untangling can be tricky and there are important tax implications to consider.”
In Divorce and Taxes — Part II: Child-Related Issues & Alimony, Rushing goes on to say, “In addition to the basic issues of filing status and dependency exemptions, there are some child-related tax issues and spousal support (alimony) considerations to be aware of.”
And, if that wasn’t enough to make you nervous, in the final article, Divorce and Taxes — Part III: Asset Division, Rushing points out, “With the filing status, child-related tax concerns and spousal support issues understood, there are some additional tax implications you might consider when dividing your assets.”
A divorce financial professional will be able to untangle even the most complex marital finances and keep you on track when it comes to tax consequences and potential issues. It may also help you bypass some of the emotional stress if attempting to figure it all out on your own. When you have a clear, concise picture of your finances, it makes the decision making easier, and you will feel better about your future.
It always comes back to communication.
It’s simple: conflict when getting a divorce always stems from communication, or rather, the lack of it. Yet, for couples this is often the toughest nut to crack. Emotions are running on auto-pilot and can get messy. It’s hard to get control when you’re in so much pain, but, it’s essential.
Decisions made when our brains are in overdrive can get us into trouble. And when you’re going through the divorce process, watch out! Our CEO, Michelle Crosby, talks about what she calls Puppy Brain, explaining what happens to our brains when stressed, and how to get things back under control so we can make the best decisions for our family when getting divorced. Watch the video here.
If communicating with your spouse has always been difficult, it will be even more so as you try to work out the details of your Divorce Agreement. Perhaps a professional mediator or counselor can help with those tough conversations and guide you toward resolution.
Divorce is one of life’s biggest stressors, second only to the death of a loved one. As much as we talk about doing it in a kinder gentler way, it’s still gut-wrenching. It can get ugly and messy. But by being well-informed and prepared, you and your family can (and will) survive this transition from one household into two.
That is why Wevorce is here, to help and provide guidance at a time when you cannot see things clearly.
Divorce Archetype profiles in review:
Initiator vs. Reactor (Influencers)
Every divorce will have an Initiator (one who has reached their breaking point) and Reactor (one who isn’t ready to face it). The only variant may be when an additional archetypal layer is added by an affair, during which delicate emotions may seem to be wrapped in barbed wire.
Dependents
The Dependent ;is rather self-explanatory; if you had children, or adopted children during your marriage and they are still legally in your care, you fall under this profile.
Happily Even After vs. Solo
The Happily Even After profiles describe couples who want to work together to keep divorce amicable. The couples who can’t agree on whether or not to get a divorce, or the terms of a divorce fall under the Solo profile.
Traffic Lights
The Traffic Lights profiles correspond with literal traffic lights and signify the readiness of each spouse during the divorce process. These profiles are as follows: Red Light (also referred to as Positional), Honeystuck, and Green Light. When the Positional/Red Light profile is involved, couples are often unable to agree on most things. In the Honeystuck profile, a spouse may have days when he or she feels ready to move forward — and days when divorce seems impossible to face. Variations of this profile include Gas and Break, Parent/Child, and Driverless. The Green Light profile describes couples that have been wrestling with the decision to divorce for a while, but are now ready to part ways and move on to the next chapter of their lives.
Money Manager vs. Non-Money Manager
The Money Manager profile describes the spouse who handles the finances during marriage. The Non-Money Manager often has not participated in these activities, and may have little to no access to financial account information.
Income Earner vs. Income Supporter
The Income Earner often makes enough money to support the entire family, and this person may be referred to as the ;sole breadwinner. While an Income Earner may work hard to provide financial support for the family, an Income Supporter has, in many cases, put his or her career on hold to focus on managing the family, playing a supportive role in helping his or her spouse earn household income.
Find more information about the Divorce Archetype assessment here.
