Texting, Emailing, Affairs And Getting Caught
Miami-Dade Superintendent of Schools Alberto Carvalho has gotten a new $275,000-a-year contract, but the damage has been done to his reputation, according to at least one school board member, who questions his honesty after he denied a relationship with a reporter who regularly covered school board activities.
The long-time school district administrator, who is married, repeatedly denied a romance with former Miami Herald education reporter Taniade Luzuriago, even after e-mails and text messages were released that may show otherwise. In the discussions between the two, the reporter wrote that the two should work together when they could. She also expressed romantic feelings for Carvalho. In one e-mail, he wrote “love and miss you” in return.
Carvalho, 44, first claimed the e-mails were part of a ”personal attack on him, but later changed his tone, saying they could be authentic. “When someone changes their story, to me that’s a credibility issue,” school board member Ana Rivas Logan said at the meeting in which his new contract was approved.
Luzuriaga, 27, covered the Miami-Dade schools from October 2006 to September 2007 before leaving to take a job at the Boston Globe. She resigned weeks after the scandal broke.
“The Miami-Dade entity that gave him the new contract should be ashamed…,” said
Victor Greto, an assistant professor of journalism and political science at Wesley College in Dover, Del.
Greto said the contract could be construed as a reward for playing the media like a fiddle. “He so loved his job and his city or county he was willing to prostitute himself for it. That’s right up there with a call girl’s salary, isn’t it?”
But Dr. Mark Goulston, a clinical psychiatrist and coach, had a different opinion. “Everybody lies. Ain’t that the truth! A lie is a lie and just like you can’t be a little bit pregnant, you can’t be a little bit of a liar. I’m not justifying Carvalho’s behavior, nor Spitzer’s, nor Bill Clinton’s, but show me a mother who hasn’t fudged her child’s qualifications and minimized their problems to get them into a pre-school, or someone who doesn’t try to make excuses to get out of a speeding ticket or a prosecutor turned criminal attorney who doesn’t withhold incriminating evidence to get their guilty client off and I’ll show you someone who doesn’t live on planet earth,” he said.
“Since great leaders have forever been discovered to have affairs, maybe what we have to accept is that a person’s personal morality does not necessary translate into their professional competence,” he said. “Jimmy Carter was one of our most personally moral presidents, but amongst our least effective presidents.The same may be said of President Bush. Being amoral or immoral in one’s personal relationships does not appear to impact our trust and confidence in their ability to function in their job. It does, however, impact on our ability to respect them as a person. That’s a shame, but it’s something we should just learn to live with because I don’t think it will ever change.”
Here are the other five things experts suggested.
1. Nothing is private.
“My first reaction is: Remember, e-mail isn’t private!” said Tina Tessina, Ph.D., author of “Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Arguing about the Three Things that Can Ruin your Marriage.” “It’s not difficult for a computer expert to find your e-mail. It’s saved all over the Internet, even if you erased it from your own computer.”
2. It’s a character thing.
“This is the apparently normal reaction from a guy who’s cheating. First, denial, then, when busted beyond repair, eventual admission, and regret,” said Tessina. “He’s cheating in the first place because he wants to have his cake and eat it, too. He dreams he can get away without ruining his marriage or his career. Of course, when he’s caught, he regrets the whole thing, but then it’s too late. It’s very emotionally immature and shows a lack of character development. Often, these guys are so focused on career success, that the rest of their personality doesn’t ever get developed.”
3. Don’t become a bad example.
“This…already has appeared in journalism classes as an example of something not to do if you’re a reporter,” said Greto, who discussed the incident with the students in his media writing class. “Not only did the reporter breach a long-held code of journalism ethics, she destroyed her credibility for the remainder of whatever career she has,” he said.”More importantly, she has made suspect all her reporting and writing from the time she worked her beat. Pillow talk is great, but not for unbiased reporting.”
4. Don’t get romantic at work.
“Keep everything professional,” Greto said. “If you are a reporter and you just can’t resist his or her charms, ask to be assigned to another beat.”
5. You’ll always get caught.
“Instead of acting on impulse, stop to think about the long-term consequences ofyour decisions. You will always be evaluated, at some point, on what you do not what you say. Once trust has been broken, it’s very hard to rebuild,” said Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D., co-founder of www.HerMentorCenter.com, which helps women in transition.
The truth is, “If you are going to having an affair, you will get caught — there is always a paper trial of e-mails receipts and the like,” said New York divorce attorney Daniel Clement.”Signing them ‘Love’ only seals your fate.”
About the author: Relationship expert Brenda Della Casa, author of “Cinderella Was a Liar,” said her best advice was simple: “If you wouldn’t want it splashed in the cover of your local newspaper, don’t send it in e-mail or in a text message or better yet, don’t have an affair and avoid the whole mess all together.”
