Married, Divorced, Remarried Moms Need These 3 Secrets To Sanity
Ever feel like a clumsy juggler trying to keep all the balls in the air when trying to balance work, parenting, and love? If your relationship is struggling, you’re in the process of a divorce or have just gotten through one, it can be even more difficult. The image of balancing a scale is all about taking something away from one side and giving it to the other. You may be thinking, “How can I take more away from work or my kids? I can’t! I want to give to them more!” And, you’re likely also feeling, “I want to live passionately. I want to be happy.” Well, believe it or not, most successful and happy people haven’t always been that way; they went through hard times to get to where they are. And despite those hard times, they’d do it all over again to get to where they are.
Here are a few secrets to finding your sanity, and better — your happiness.
Secret 1: I choose me, an imperfect but lovable me, a lot more than I used to.
Selfish is not a bad word. How can taking care of yourself be bad? Many women are nurturers. They care about the quality of their work, and take responsibility seriously. A nurturer will rarely be able to be the kind of person that ignores the needs of others, but being selfless doesn’t mean ignoring your own needs. A happy nurturer is more productive at work, more present with her kids, and more in tune with her relationships. And your kids will survive your fallibility as a parent. In fact, they will thrive because your honesty about your mistakes allows them be fallible, too.
Secret 2: Downtime. Kids need it, and we do, too.
A happy mom and a happy marriage is more important than having a family dinner every single night or having the kids in every extracurricular activity they ask about. If you feel like a taxi driver, stop. Say no. Kids should give their parents time and space to be just adults and parents should give kids time and space to be just kids.
Secret 3: Happiness starts with appreciation.
Notice the things that people do that make your life easier, even if it is stuff they are supposed to do. Saying thank you and meaning it changes everything. At work thank people for emptying the trash, making a pot of coffee, turning in paperwork on time and correct. Thank people for their support and trust in your ability, for their doing their job. Thank your kids for doing their chores and teach them to thank you for doing yours. Thank your family for all that they do. If you do this with love and generosity and you will be amazed at how much goodwill you will generate in and for yourself. Appreciation in practice opens the door to happiness and to living your life with passion whether or not it is always perfectly balanced!
A mother of two, K.L. McLoughlin has perfected the art of talking to kids about sex. With a masters in education, she is the author of the book, “Baby Steps,” and recently landed her own radio talk show, “Today’s Women.”
