They Cheated. Now You Need To Make A Decision.
Affairs are devastating to all concerned, and demonstrate emotional immaturity. Even if you feel like you have been betrayed, it may help to ask yourself, “Have I done all I can within my marriage to correct the problems and get what I want there?” Often dissatisfaction grows from resentment, and the root causes can sometimes be addressed with the help of counseling.
So how do you know whether to stay or go?
Top 5 reasons to stay
There are a number of couples who get back together after a divorce, because they had a chance to see what’s out there, what it’s like to be alone, and to calm down and get over petty resentments. By now, they’re a lot poorer because of the costs of the divorce, dividing up property, and so on.
Here are a few reasons you may wish to stay in your marriage:
- Your spouse truly recognizes he or she has a problem, and is willing to get help to fix it, and to be accountable for rebuilding trust.
- You two are going to counseling, and understanding why the affair happened, and how to fix the problems.
- You’re getting your own sex life back on track, if it was off track.
- You have a long, shared history, joint finances, and family ties that make it worth keeping the marriage together (if #1 is also true).
- You still love each other, and it’s clearly mutual.
Top 5 reasons to go
- Your spouse is in denial, makes excuses, and blames you.
- You have had it, and no longer feel connected. Be sure this isn’t just temporary anger.
- You are prepared to be on your own.
- You either have no children, they’re grown, or you’re certain a divorce will be better for them than what’s going on.
- Your spouse refuses to give up his other sex partner.
While no one should stay and suffer, a lot of people could do the work and wind up happier than if they leave, rather than take the shortcut of leaving without doing the work. People often get into “the grass is greener” fantasy and later regret leaving after the damage is done. It’s possible that you will find an extraordinary love after divorcing late in life, but many find the potential partners out there are no better than the ones they left. There’s no easy answer, and certainly no answer that is black and white. With some work, a marriage can occasionally be improved — or at the very least, can be turned into a life that works, with companionship. But, as many divorcees know, there are times when this is just not possible.
Whatever you choose to do, take great care in making your decision, and know there is support available for you — whatever you decide.
