Going through a divorce can have gender-specific implications. Psychologists have long worked to establish the different ways in which divorce affects men and women. While research tends to state that divorce is emotionally harder on men, women will go through specific experiences, as well.
If you are currently losing your husband or you’ve already gone through this experience, it will be helpful to keep a number of important facts in mind.
Self Care is More Important Than Ever
In the typical family, the woman is the caretaker. Psychologically, emotionally, and even hormonally, wives tend to put others’ needs ahead of their own. This predisposition can make a divorce incredibly challenging.
Separation from a spouse is a life-changing experience. Trying to be a caregiver for everyone while also attempting to handle the emotional toll can be overwhelming (to say the least). It’s OK to put your needs first at the time of the divorce. Giving yourself some time to heal and focusing on your own needs will actually turn you into a better caregiver for your kids and everybody else who’s counting on you.
Financial Matters Will Change
Research suggests that many women are hit hard by the financial toll of divorce. Whether you’re a stay-at-home mom who’s taking care of the kids or you have a career, cash-flow will often decrease significantly after the separation is finalized.
In the aftermath of divorce, it’s a good idea to think about cutting expenses. Chances are, divorce-related expenses have also accumulated, which is why the first few months can be particularly stressful.
Dealing with finances in an emotionally-charged period of time could seem like mission impossible. This is precisely why preparation is key. If you’re unprepared, the financial implications of divorce will hit you even harder.
All Advice Isn’t Necessarily Good Advice
Going through a divorce will likely unleash an avalanche of stories from friends and acquaintances. Some accounts will be dramatic or exaggerated altogether.
However, others’ divorces will often be in no way comparable to your experience. This is why advice received from well-intentioned individuals may not be applicable. Issues your best friend experienced during her divorce are not necessarily issues you will have to deal with.
The same applies to tips aimed at helping you cope with the situation after the divorce is finalized. When you go through the process, you may discover that it’s nothing like others experienced. Take others’ horror stories with a grain of salt and try not to stress out about the extremes some people describe.
A Court Won’t Always Divide Property 50/50
Property should be divided equally between the two parties, right? Not necessarily! The rule applies solely to property that has been acquired over the course of the marriage. In addition, different rules will apply in different parts of the US. You’ll need to know local regulations and a good way to acquaint yourself with specifics is to consult an experienced divorce attorney.
Property division could depend on multiple factors so don’t take the 50/50 rule into account. Be prepared for the deal you get to be far from the fairest one.
Legal Alternatives May Be Available
Going through a divorce can be incredibly taxing on everyone involved. This is one of the reasons why so many couples have begun looking for legal alternatives to divorce.
Collaborative law is a new legal possibility that’s being introduced in most states. The collaborative method has both individuals committing to keeping proceedings out of court. While they’re still being represented by attorneys, ex-spouses can reach mutually-beneficial and amicable decisions this way.
Obviously, looking for a legal alternative will depend on the predisposition of your ex. If you don’t want to go through the emotional and financial toll of a divorce, however, you should definitely talk to them about other options.
You Will Make Dating Mistakes After Divorce
Dating after a divorce is a broad topic on its own. Still, it deserves to be mentioned here.
Don’t rush into dating after the separation. Many women who impulsively begin searching for a new partner have been known to commit serious mistakes.
The most common one is looking for someone similar to an ex-husband (or the complete opposite). Psychological patterns will often keep us doing the same ineffective things. When you end one mistake in a divorce, chances are you’ll be looking to start a similar one.
Take your time and focus on yourself. This way, you’ll get a better idea about what went wrong the last time and what can be done to make things better the next time you get into a relationship.
About the Author: Beverly Lerch is a young freelance writer and a great expert in self-improvement, motivation, and productivity. She has various interests and cannot imagine her life without sport. You can follow her on Twitter here.
