Infidelity: Getting the Evidence and Support to Investigate a Troubled Marriage
Licensed private investigator and Bill Mitchell, an expert in catching cheaters, has been featured in the Chicago Tribune and Esquire magazine as well as on CBS and NBC. Founder of Seven-Day Detective, Mitchell has written: “The More You Know: Getting the Evidence and Support You Need to Investigate a Troubled Relationship.” The book gives tips on how to deal with an unfaithful spouse. Mitchell answered some questions about the book for Wevorce.com.
Q: What inspired you to write this book?
A: My education is in psychology, experience, nd success. Having three decades of intense case work under the direction of my father, a former Special Agent of the FBI was an exceptional opportunity for me. I can boldly say he was unsurpassed in the investigative business and afforded me the guidance and occasions to craft my skills and talents. He owned and operated one of the largest in America investigative firm, with clientele that were Who’s Who in America” adding to my unique background. I say that not to boast but convey the level of expertise.
After many intense and challenging field investigations, court testimony, and successes, I decided to share my insights to aid those facing infidelity. The matrimonial field fascinated me. I wanted to understand the dynamics of these cases and set out to unravel the mystery of infidelity — step by step.
Being in this unique position, I was given many opportunities to render strategies, tips, techniques and methods to get the proof. I’ve conveyed to my readers the fruits of my labor.Having participated in both discovery and testimony many times shapes the way an investigator approaches each case. They must be prepared for legal scrutiny in order to be successful. I found out quickly that investigating infidelity is both challenging and risky. And vital to an investigators success is how to manage clients and gather evidence. A unique partnership is undertaken. Success hinges on that arrangement. I believed it was important to share how this relationship works and ultimately wins legal cases. Also, I realized that sharing my experience, knowledge and understanding would ultimately help others. There are many pitfalls in the process. Often unscrupulous investigators take advantage a victim’s confident and helplessness. So, hiring a private investigator requires conducting your own investigation or selection process to avoid a bad apple.”
Writing a complete guide on this subject was a tall order and goal worth completing. I am very proud of the work and my readers will see that I have compassion for them.
Another key motivator and factor pushing to write on the subject was the rise of infidelity or pornographic websites. The internet is a place where adultery is being solicited and a growing industry. They solicit spouses to sign up for adultery memberships”. It’s an affront to the institution of marriage and loyalty to one another. Even more destructive are their sly methods, making my insights even more timely and valuable to fight their efforts.This crisis is global. And in the midst of it all, I wanted to bring hope and encouragement while conveying understanding. Proving adultery changes lives “ especially for its victims.
Q: What is a vulnerable relationship and why are they important to recognize?
A: I dedicated an entire chapter to this subject. So, I will share a short list for now. At the top list are individuals who learned this deviant behavior from a parent(s) or significant adult figure. Fathers who abandon or limit their parental responsibilities send a message.Their offspring struggle with faithfulness or commitment as a result.And rounding out this short list are relationships whose foundation began due to pregnancy or adultery. A relationship that starts out fragile tends to unravel in time.
Q: What tips can you offer readers when looking for the signs of adultery?
A: First and foremost; behavior is all telling. I teach how to decipher behavior patterns that reflect the deception cheaters exhibit. While others tout endless warning signs are center stage, I disagree. The key to solving an investigation is much more complicated and involved.Behavior is all telling and unlocks the truth. Secondly, avoid confrontations and arguments over infidelity. You will not resolve the adultery that way. Instead concentrate on gathering all the facts. Spend less time exchanging fears or suspicions with a cheater. Focus more on listening and observing them. Time will tell what is real or not.
Q: What are some of the triggers and reasons that infidelity occurs?
A: Triggers include immaturity, rationalization, ego, power-trips, finances, unfulfilled desires, and narcissism. Reasons include learned behaviors and unresolved issues. Selfish and narcissistic personalities are very susceptible to adultery. These self-gratifiers” justify their decisions and choices without regard to consequences. They rarely remain faithful. Men often blame their spouses to rationalize their disloyalty. On the other hand, women respond to attention paid them that lacks in their own world. Their relationship demise includes a compelling need for affection or a healthy sexual life. Also, relationships that maintain secret lives or concealed behaviors invite and stimulate adulterous activities.
Q: What are some common times adulterous partners rendezvous with their lovers and how can we identify them?
A: Time is the key to an affair and a cheating spouse or partner must orchestrate their rendezvous accordingly. Why? First, they must avoid detection. Secondly, the paramour has a calendar too. Finding time to slip away” undetected from their relationship, work or schedule is critical for cheating spouses and the other person. If that person is not married, the level of difficulty watching them is greater since they have more flexibility. In that case, you must focus on your spouse’s or partner’s disappearances. They normally leave a time trail.” And lastly, their carelessness must not interfere with other appointments, so as to avoid exposing their indiscretions.Focus on days surrounding weekends and holidays like Valentine’s Day, Christmas, or birthdays. Included in this list are lunch breaks where nooners” are possible. This is true for those occupations with open” schedules – salesmen, managers, or the self-employed.
Q: How can proof of adultery aid in divorce court?
A: Leverage is an important element, no matter what types of negotiations are on the table. Bringing to task adultery as grounds for divorce, in those states where it remain intact, can cost the offender in terms awards, fees or limitation of child custody. The latter is true in most states and therefore proving this condition or unfitness is worthwhile. Serving the paramour with a subpoena typically brings an immediate change in the opponent’s legal strategy. Proof of adultery has always had an effect, despite the legal spin we hear today. And most judges will be sympathetic toward the children and grant relief from the paramour(s) when asked. Let’s not forget the embarrassment factor” or public shame. It influences the cheaters mind and decisions, causing many to agree to demands for equity or privileges. Lawyers hate to be surprised” by damaging evidence, much less in court in a stunning defeat. Instead they would rather convince their clients to negotiate and/or settle out of court. So, proving adultery has real benefits legally, emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally.
Q: What kinds of proof are necessary to prove infidelity?
A: As investigators we concentrate on crucial activities that include, but not limited to, proving intent, romantic inclination and opportunity. Of course a videotape of sexual intercourse rarely leaves much to the imagination.With courts only requiring circumstantial evidence, our observations need not delve that keenly. However, we have videoed spouses who happen to engage in sexual activity either in public or behind closed doors. The worst scenario for the victim is consummating sex in their marital bedroom or residence.
Video footage taken during surveillance depicting romantic inclination, frequenting a hotel or other rendezvous spots is necessary. This general rule of thumb states that if any reasonable person could conclude a sexual encounter has occurred after reviewing the evidence then the case is solid. By far, this is the best evidence. Next, we recommend securing any tangible or electronic documents i.e., text messages, lover letters, notes, cards, e-mails, internet purchases or credit card transactions. This evidence is acceptable in court when handled properly. Other findings include hair follicles, earrings, lipsticks, cosmetics, condoms, and personal items need to be properly secured and documented.
Q: What are some methods of obtaining proof of adultery?
A: Utilizing technology to legally track, record, or observe adulterous behavior. On the market are keen pieces of gear that simplify the process of evidence collection. (Bear in mind all efforts must be in compliance with local, state or federal laws.)I recommend telephone accountants, GPS vehicle tracking devices, covert video recording gear, PC spyware, telephone recorders, phone call recorders, and fluid detectors.Other investigative services include confidential interviews, surveillance, computer and phone forensics, records searches, and/or background investigations makes up the majority of domestic relations investigation campaigns.
Q: What are the benefits of hiring a private investigator and how should you select one?
A: Since this is a very important topic I will spend more time addressing it. Intertwining a reputable private investigator regularly brings a constructive twist to the outcome. To demonstrate this thought, I can personalize it for you. While penning this article, I was interrupted by my client who canceled my day in court on her behalf. She was married to a professional in the medical field. We collected evidence of not just one affair but others. His lawyer realized that a settlement was their best option. With my testimony and video evidence looming they quickly settled out of court. I wasvery prepared to show the when, where and how of his rampant acts of adultery. (Our investigation proved a textbook” case of adultery). This general practitioner even agreed to pay my client’s attorney’s fees. Now that’s compelling! And there was another woman, a patient, subpoenaed to testify she had sex with him.
However, there are many imperative questions to ask of a private investigator beforehand. With too many to list here and I dedicated an entire chapter to this subject including a valuable checklist. It’s that important! However, the first tenet to a successful selection is referrals. They are essential in this business. The second tenet includes rates. Hiring the wrong private investigator is akin basing the selection solely on cheaper rates. You do get what you pay for in the investigative industry just as you do with hiring a cheap lawyer. Reputable investigators have earned public trust and are confident about their abilities. The third tenet is promise makers. Avoid them at all costs! (They probably have a sales background.) Reject private investigators making bold claims or promise results, it’s merely sales jargon.
Another tip is to avoid private investigators with big egos. How can you tell? Look at their websites, Facebook and YouTube videos. If your first impression of them is they appear self-centered, egoistical, arrogant, self-centered or a Hollywood type” — be wary. They concentrate more on bottom lines and rarely your needs. You can confirm this premise when they make little time to hear you out — even on your first contact. It’s clear; they have no interest in your predicament. A shredder will be a wiser option to deplete your bank account. In all fairness, you must consider our trade and services benefit other clientele needs including corporations, law firms and private industry. There are many very capable and reputable investigators available. We do make a tremendous difference and influence outcomes. The investigative business has many newcomers each year to include part-timers who tinker”.
By default, seasoned former law enforcement officer do not equate to a successful domestic relations investigators. I know, having hired, supervised and associated with them for decades. Unfortunately many fall into this category. And they account for the majority of likely applicants who pursue this vocation.Their level of experience must be evaluated no matter how many years of public service they amounted. Domestic relations investigators must adapt to the private sector in order to be successful. For some, this conversion is difficult and contrived.
Your success hinges on this critical selection process. Take your time and call on more than one to be confident of your decision. What’s left? I’d say timing, strategy and purpose.
Q: What three things would you hope readers take away from your book?
A: Vital Knowledge: While pressing forward with great determination to solve thousands of infidelity assignments, I found what works. I’ve shared my understanding and knowledge from both my heart and real world” experience. There is clearly a right and wrong way to approach adultery and proving it. There is a significant correlation between doing the right things and closure. Knowledge brings finality.
Shrewd and winning strategies: Anyone eager to sort fact from fiction” requires keen strategies to obtain power over their state of affairs. Tactical and purposed actions will result in both immediate and short-term goals when used properly. I teach them.
Swift closure: Nothing rings more clearly to me than hearing a positive outcome after one is betrayed. All the contiguous chaos, emotions, heartache and suffering lighten once closure is in hand. Discovering the whole story also resolves misgivings, fears and suspicions. Some are surprised to learn they were wrong and their relationship is saved. At that juncture, one can make healthier choices about their own future.
Overcoming the tangled web of adultery is possible while at the same time avoiding mistakes that others make. That’s my goal in each and every undertaking.Finality is necessary and possible. It’s what nearly all victims seek. And when they possess the truth, they are free at last. More significantly, they can clearly determine what’s best for them.
The More You Know can be found at Amazon.com or at bookstores everywhere.
