Parenting: Putting Off Your Differences in Divorce Can Help the Children
Congratulations to Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe for taking the high road when so many in Hollywood choose another path. These two are rising above resentment and vindictiveness for the sake of their children, and in the process they’re setting an example that’s worth public mention.
Three months after their split this couple was seen together attending a school function with their young children and they continue in this same mode. The significance of spending time together with Mom and Dad when kids are experiencing the drama of their parent’s divorce can’t be overstated. It provides support, security, and stability at a time when the children’s world is falling apart. But make no mistake: this is not easy. But it’s well worth the effort.
It takes mature parents to move in this direction. Many therapists call it Child-Centered Divorce. These parents are consciously aware of the emotional, psychological and spiritual needs of their children at this challenging time. They are willing to transcend the personal drama in their own relationship to help ease the way for their kids during and after the divorce.
Witherspoon asked for joint legal custody and primary physical custody of the children. As parents, she and Phillippe will have dozens of opportunities to choose whether to create times together as a family unit. Besides the obvious holidays and birthdays, parents in a child-centered divorce keep the door open to other activities, such as sporting events, school programs, recitals, parties, Open School Night, etc.
Parents in a child-centered divorce put their differences behind them when it comes to family time. They’re civil, respectful, and totally focused on giving their children the best possible experience when the family spends time together. These caring parents do not confide their frustrations to their children and, most important of all, they limit venting their anger and disdain about the former spouse to conversations with other adults.
To ask, “How will my divorce affect my child?” is a very courageous question, says therapist C. Paul Wanio, Ph.D. “This is a time of countless demands when clear thinking and good decision-making are imperative. While at times you may feel like giving up, there are ways to lessen the severity of the negative effects of divorce on your children. Committing yourselves to creating a child-centered divorce is the best way to start.”
About the author: Rosalind Sedacca, CDC is a Divorce & Parenting Coach, author, and founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network. Her books, coaching services, co-parenting courses, valuable resources, and free book on Post-Divorce Parenting can be found at www.ChildCenteredDivorce.com.
