What an amazing time we live in! We can talk to anyone and everyone without even being in the same room, let alone the same country. We can air our worries, our fears, our joys, and our lives for all to see, as often as we want, in an electronic format that never gets truly deleted. So, ask yourself this question: What do you want to say that may be remembered for not only the rest of your life, but also the rest of your children’s lives, and the lives of all those who come after you?
Amanda Fortini, in a Salon article called “The Facebook Divorce,” discusses this issue. As Fortini points out, it’s important to remember that the other person in a relationship may read their partner’s online posts, but attorneys and social workers and other outsiders may seize the opportunity to use information from the Internet to win legal points when couples are conflicted about child custody, finances, and extramarital affairs.
Here are some things you might carefully consider before posting your personal experiences and emotions on Facebook, a web page or blog. Ask yourself:
- Is there anyone who might wish and deserves to hear about this in a more personal manner?
- Who else might be reading my web page that may or may not have my best interests in mind?
- When was the last time my relationship issues were publicly aired, if ever, and what was the result?
- What do I want people, especially my children, to know or think about me years from now?
The last point is perhaps the most important. Imagine your children looking back over the loose ramblings of your life and the kind of questions they might ask. Will they see you as someone they will always respect and admire? Will they feel sorry for you? Will they appreciate your openness and candor, or wish you had kept family problems private?
It’s true that confessing things to online friends can seem safer or more supportive in emotionally-charged situations. There are definitely examples when good support is given and received by virtual pals. Some people feel that venting online is easier than calling a real life friend or relative, in case that person is not as supportive as they hoped.
It can be surprising and touching when strangers step up and offer considerate assistance or advice when we are going through tough times. The Internet has definitely broadened our ability to reach out to others when we are hurting, and find answers to issues that may be difficult or confusing.
There is also a lot to be said sharing stories that help build common ground. Divorce is definitely an area of interest for families when couples go through significant transitions. Perhaps all this info will help us all to do it better, and much sooner than would have been possible without the publicity around people’s pain and heartbreak.
In the meantime, perhaps the best way to decide what you should post on websites like Facebook, or with anything you write and plan to publish online, especially in the heat of emotion, is to think at least twice about it. Sleep on it, consider all the possible consequences, and then go with your gut.
