Why It’s Not So Bad to Be Single
“Loneliness expresses the pain of being alone and solitude expresses the glory of being alone.”
—Paul Tillich
Loneliness and solitude. These are two words that basically mean the same thing, but can be viewed as opposite in meaning. Perhaps it’s the glass-half-empty or half-full mentality. So, as we’re bombarded with red hearts and Cupid’s arrows, let’s get real about the idea of being single and alone during Valentine’s Day.
For starters, what is the difference between being alone and being lonely? In an article for Thought Catalog, 5 Reasons Why It’s Okay To Be Alone, James Davies writes, “People tend to think that being alone directly correlates to loneliness. Being alone and being lonely are two different things. Loneliness is a negative state of mind where you are always longing for something to fill the void. Alone is a positive state of mind where you are always and constantly delighted in yourself.”
Davies’ top five reasons it’s OK to be alone are:
- Solitude: The clarity you receive from being alone is unmatched.
- Create: Being alone is the perfect time to create.
- Influence: The ability to be alone tunes you to your inner self.
- Learn: Being alone allows you to learn what you want.
- Embrace: When we are alone it is the only time we are free.
Seeking Solitude
It’s actually healthy to spend time alone. And as Davies showed us, it can be very beneficial. But, just as someone might fear being alone, there are those who may avoid social interaction because it makes them uncomfortable. The idea is to find balance. It’s never healthy to allow fear-based decisions to keep us from enjoying time alone or seeking out other human contact.
James Michael Sama gives us 8 Reasons It’s OK to Be Single in his Huffington Post article. His #2 reason is: It gives you times to learn about yourself. “The most important relationship you’ll ever have is with yourself. If that one isn’t healthy, none of your others will be. Often ‘serial monogamists’ have a difficult time finding a long-term healthy relationship because their identity has always been tied to another person.”
It is difficult to find a happy, healthy relationship if you’ve not taken the time to really define what that looks like to you. If you don’t know what you are looking for, how will you recognize it when it comes along? By seeking solitude on a journey of self-discovery, you can take your best step forward to meet the world with assurance and clarity — attractive qualities to someone else who may also be looking for a healthy partnership.
Getting Creative
Use your alone time to nourish your soul rather than dampen it by wallowing in sadness. And what better way to do that than to find a creative outlet? In the Wevorce article, Restoration Handcraft: The Healing Power of Creativity, we explore how self-expression can be healing when experiencing life changes. Engaging in creative pursuits contributes to an overall sense of wellbeing and fulfillment. With creative exploration comes self-discovery — insight into one’s limitations and awareness of new possibilities — and increased emotional intelligence.
As the 18th-century poet Johann Wolfgang von Goethe once said, “Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic to it. Begin it now.”
Magic is indeed a great way to nourish one’s self.
Do Others Influence You Negatively?
Are you afraid of being alone because you think others will see you as unwanted? Maybe you even believe something is wrong with you because you don’t have a plus-one in your life? There is a stigma we fight every day that somehow being alone is bad, even sad, that there is no happiness to be found unless we have someone to share our lives with.
Why do we think this way? Rather than look for someone else to make us happy, shouldn’t we discover, instead, how to make ourselves happy?
Wevorce looked at how outside influences can set us on a path we aren’t ready to go down, time and time again in the article: For the Ladies: Is He Worth the Heartache? Often, we get so wrapped up in getting to happily ever after with our one and only dreamboat, we lose sight of what we really need in life. Take the time to discover happiness for yourself and with yourself, rather than depending on a knight in shining armor showing up to save you and miraculously grant you all you desire.
Do you even know what your deal breakers in a relationship are? If you don’t know, sit down immediately and figure them out. Relationship deal breakers are vital to figuring out if he, or she, is soul mate potential or not. If the guy or gal you’re thinking of dating has character traits that go against your checklist, avoid them. Easy peasy.
And, who better to influence you, than you? There’s a definite strength and power to controlling your own destiny.
Learn What We Truly Want in Life
In an article on the Develop Good Habits website, 9 Ways on How to Be Happy and Live Alone, they explore the idea of finding happiness on our own. (Yes, it looks like a theme is developing.) “Whether you’re in a relationship, have children, have a busy work life or whatever the circumstances are, it’s important to know how to be happy alone. When you know what makes you truly happy, practice self-love, take care of yourself and step out of your comfort zone, you will be able to see how powerful being happy alone can be.”
Habit #1 on their list is: figure out what makes you truly happy. “Not being in a relationship will help you realize and understand that your happiness does not have to depend on someone else’s presence. You need to be able to be happy alone first, and love yourself in order to give your love to someone else and have a successful relationship.
“If you don’t know what is going to make you happy, how can you expect someone else to? You need to know and experience what real love and happiness is like by yourself before you commit to loving someone else.”
Embrace Being Alone
Finding enjoyment in being alone has many benefits. In fact, Tony Robinson’s article for Lifehack.org, When You Start to Enjoy Being Alone, These 10 Things Will Happen, gives us some pretty good reasons to start spending more time alone.
“I’m not advocating you go all Tom Hanks in Cast Away, because no one can argue the benefits, and the joys, that come along with fulfilling relationships with other people. But I am saying that once you learn to enjoy being alone, you’re going to grow as a person.”
His list includes: having time to recharge and reflect, getting in touch with your own emotions, and you can start doing the things you enjoy. You will be more productive, feel more independent, and even enjoy your relationships more.
So, if you find yourself sinking into despair at the approach of Valentine’s Day, here are some ideas from another article on Lifehack.org by Daniel Wallen, 5 Fun Things You Can Do if You’re Single on Valentine’s Day.
- Laugh it up.
- Have a singles party!
- Treat yourself.
- Catch up with someone you miss.
- Do whatever you want.
But, his most important thought isn’t even on the list. “It can be a bummer to be single on Valentine’s Day, but only if you allow it to be. You deserve to be happy, with or without a partner, so do everything in your power to make this holiday a positive occasion.”
Nicely put.
