Relationships: Saving your Marriage Sometimes Means Not Giving Up
The most powerful way to create a win-win atmosphere in your marriage is to understand and practice the power of acknowledgment. Acknowledgment means the willingness to offer honest, positive feedback to another person about what they are doing and how it is affecting you. Usually, we focus upon other individual’s negativities and how irritating they can be. We may gossip about these to others in the workplace or when talking with friends or relatives and then dwell upon them ourselves. When we employ the power of acknowledgment, however, we turn all that around. We give the other person the benefit of the doubt, focusing on behavior that is pleasing and giving feedback about the effects of that to him/her.
The person who is skilled at acknowledgment understands that few situations are black and white. By knowing this, we do not blame others for difficulties or for the mess we are in but take radical responsibility to find the cause in ourselves. We become aware of shifting responsibility to others about the mess we are in, become aware of our own part in it, and do our best to straighten that out. Others will notice this, be greatly appreciative and impressed and the workplace environment will turn around. Everyone benefits from this approach.
The Payoff
Another step in creating a win-win environment in which everyone can thrive is to never give up on a person (at least as long as your physical or emotional well-being is not at stake — no form of abuse should ever be tolerated). This means to go with the person as far as you can. Often we discard an individual or their efforts way before we know all they can really do. By making the decision to relate to their strength and ability, and to stay through the thick and thin with them, individuals in relationships feel safe to grow and learn. They also realize that mistakes are not fatal, but part of the process of exploration. When we are free to make mistakes and not be cast out for it, the level and quality of our relationships grow beyond all expectation. This level of support and understanding creates a foundation for developing an individual’s full potential and his feelings of satisfaction and fulfillment which allows a person to give their all.
ACTIVITY: Journal
Answer the following questions:
- How willing are to never give up on a person?
- How much are you willing to go through with them?
- What is your cut off point?
- What behavior can’t you tolerate? Why?
- What makes you believe in someone in the first place?
- What is it that takes this belief away?
- Has anyone ever been there for you throughout thick and thin?
- What did that feel like?
- What happened when they decided it was enough and went away?
- Write down the name of one person you are willing to never give up on. What is it about them that allows you to do this? What is it about you?
- Little by little can you increase this list?
- What would you need to allow you to do so?
After you’ve written down your responses, then think about them and answer again. Perform this exercise all week. You may find that opening up — even privately — about these challenges affords you a new perspective, one that can help shift your thinking from what’s not working to what is.
