Relationship: Is your Marriage a Power Struggle? Find Out how to Take Control
One of the great problems in conflict resolution is the fact that many of us project the role of authority in our lives upon others. This can happen in romantic relationships, the family, community, and the workplace. As soon as we project the role of authority in our life upon another, a power imbalance takes place in the relationship.
When we give someone else the right to make decisions or establish values for us, we give them power over us, essentially allowing them to define good and bad. Most dangerously of all, it is natural to turn to this person for our sense of worthiness and approval.
When this takes place, an individual gains an unfair advantage over us, not only in the resolution of a problem, but in many areas of our lives. And we are usually aware of it. Not only do we often start to feel controlled by another person, but inevitably resentment and resistance develop, and we push back against their wishes, needs, and views. For a while, we may forget that this state of affairs is of our own making. But the fact is, we have given away our inner power.
When we place another individual in a state of authority, we relinquish our own power and give up the right to have an equal, mutual relationship. At this point, many start battling or struggling with this authority figure, forgetting that it is a simple matter to take our authority and power back. Once we find the inner boss, thus claiming our own living authority, we will no longer have a need to project this role upon others.
The most powerful antidote to unbalanced relationships with individuals we see as authorities is to find our inner boss — the authority figure within. Once we do this, the part of ourselves that is in command of our lives — the part that makes decisions and is responsible — will emerge and our difficulties with external authorities subside.
ACTIVITY: Developing Your Inner Boss
1. Describe a time you felt confident and in command. What were you doing?
2. Describe another time you felt in charge of a situation and were able to act appropriately. Do you remember what it felt like? What were you doing? Who was there?
3. Notice what factors were present for you when you were able to act that way.
4. Notice how often these factors are present in your life now.
5. How often do you live with that confidence and command now? If not, make a point of increasing this. Bring the positive factors that helped you into your life now.
6. No matter how you may be feeling, act with that strength, decisiveness, and confidence at least once a day. (Start by doing it in simple situations. Then build up to more.)
Taking back your power is a perfect way to improve the quality and substance of our relationships and have more control over our own happiness. We invite you to start today.
