How Can I Help Myself and My Children Move Forward after the Divorce?
Q: I know that one of the nine Life Domains in Feng Shui is Children. In the books I’ve read it’s combined with Creativity and Future.Since my divorce, I’m having a hard time visualizing a future and I don’t want my children to feel that the fun in life stopped when the divorce happened.How can I use this to help us move forward?
A: One of the most worrisome aspects of divorce is ushering our children into a new future and helping them thrive. Some comfort might be taken from what a therapist specializing in children’s issues once told me: Kids are amazingly resilient and will take their queue from the parent’s attitude about the divorce. If the custodial parent is OK the kids will be O.K.
In the context of Feng Shui, our desire to move forward and help our children do the same would be called intention, our conscious commitment to creating the life we choose. It is in evidence in our attitude, decisions, and actions. In practical terms, living with intention means living life proactively, and not just responding to the situation or conditions left to us by others. So although the family dynamic has changed, each parent still has the opportunity to build new memories and history with their children. Seize this opportunity to talk with your children about what they are looking forward to and ask yourself the same question.
Don’t assume that just because your family has always done certain things that everyone considered them important or fun or needs for them to continue. You and your children can use what you learn from these conversations to empower your vision of the future as a family and as individuals. While having fun is important, establishing healthy routines, maintaining contacts with friends and family members, and keeping a sense of humor all foster a sense of security. I’m not a therapist, but I know that when kids feel secure, they can relax. When that happens, fun can then emerge in the most ordinary activities it need not be an event.
