In decades past, it has generally been assumed that women experience more pain during a divorce. However, more and more studies show that this is not entirely true. Dealing with a divorce can be as painful for men as it is for women — sometimes more so. Economists, psychologists, and sociologists all agree it is time to reconsider the views on the consequences of a divorce.
For years, many have believed that divorce causes women to fall into despair, while men can feel happy on the following day — despite the fact they may have to pay alimonies to their ex-wives. A study led by Professor Stephen Jenkins at the University of Essex in the United Kingdom shows that men are better off than women financially after a divorce. This is because, in the overwhelming majority of divorces, children spend a majority of time with their mothers. And these circumstances often make it difficult for mothers to find high-paying jobs.
However, outside of relative financial stability after divorce, men experience struggles. Most studies indicate that a man going through a divorce feels as bad as a woman would. A survey carried out in Britain involving more than 3,500 divorced men and women found that 23 percent of males felt devastated and depressed. In women, only 20 percent of participants could relate to that. However, 46 percent of women said that they experienced “liberation”. In the case of males, it was only 37 percent who could claim so.
Additionally, a study of psychologists at the University of California at Riverside (USA) unequivocally established that, on the basis of ten years of observations, men commit suicide after a break-up more frequently than women. This does not go hand in hand with the long-held stigma and stories about men who after a divorce meet new women and buy luxury sports cars. On the contrary, this is evidence of how painfully men go through a break-up.
The collapse of his marriage may make a man feel insolvent in the role of spouse and father. And if these social roles were secondary to men in times past, today they are no less important. Therefore, a divorce becomes a crushing blow to the male ego (which, as many men will tell you, is a difficult experience).
For some men, a new lifestyle filled with traveling, expensive shopping, or a series of new partners is merely an attempt to prove to himself that he is still desirable. However, the success of these attempts is often shortlived. The pain caused by divorce is best healed by going through the five stages of mourning, formulated by the Elisabeth Kübler-Ross psychologist: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
But what then? Is there life after divorce for men? Read on for one’s man’s story of how he made it through a marital break-up.
A Personal Background
After the divorce, I dreamed of getting what I had been deprived of for many years: a woman’s attention and her desire for intimacy with me. It was a personal thing – to prove to myself that I still could be attractive to the opposite sex.
The first woman I met on a dating website seemed irresistible to me, although it was a regular girl. Having been rejected by my wife for so many years, any girl seemed enormously attractive to me. On our first date, I asked her if she wanted to see my place. Half an hour later, we were at my house. She opened a bottle of wine, for a couple of minutes we pretended to watch TV, and then made love.
I could keep on talking about my adventures, but I will only say that it was not difficult to get acquainted [with] and seduce new women. Some, like me, needed nice company and sex. Many wanted to get married to me. However, in the end, I realized that all this was not what I was looking for and random one-night stands are merely a man’s attempt to prove to himself that he is desirable and cool. In the end, that’s what I think it is.
Today, I am in love with a girl. All the adventures are in the past. We had been seeing each other for about a year before both realized that we had some real feelings. And now I can say that I’m perfectly happy even though the divorce was tough for me to cope with, as there is nothing worse than being rejected even if you are a man.
About the Author: Ryan Bronson is an American journalist and blogger specializing in family-related articles that help hundreds of people deal with relationship issues on a day-to-day basis. He has delivered valuable publications to various online resources, including https://customwriting.com/.
