Single Dads: 5 Tips to Get Back in the Dating Game after the Big Breakup
Okay, let’s get this out of the way at the start.Dating for the single dad is Hell, akin to root canal sans Novocain or having the satellite go out during the 4th quarter of Super Bowl, with the Patriots on the five-yard line and down by six.
Let’s face it. A guy’s DNA is wired differently. Our Cro-Magnon forefathers demonstrated their value to the fairer sex by sneaking up on sabre-toothed tigers and cracking them over the head with a crude wooden club. Today, men have to use their own version of the crude club – – a computer keyboard to convince desirable women they like nothing better on Sunday afternoons than to skip the NFL playoffs and make a nice brisket with their little lamb chop, instead.
The good news is that if you can get Samantha and the six-pack of Heineken, but only if you play your online dating cards right. To stack the deck in your favor, here are a few tips to help create the kind of online dating profile that will have your e-mail box jammed.
1. Learn how to play the name game.
Use a clever, but not threatening user-name. Most online dating sites don’t ask you to you use your real name, especially your surname, but they do ask for a tag, or nickname instead. When choosing yours, keep it bold and compelling, yet not too threatening. Example: “ChickMagnet69″ or “WhamBamThankYouMa’am86″ are big red flags to most women. Better to use a more lyrical, yet still alluring tag like “DreamLover99″ or even “BedroomEyes22″ to make your point. “No woman wants to date a player,” says Jill Sherer Murray, dating and marriage columnist, and the author of the blog Diary of a Writer in Midlife Crisis. Sherer, who landed her husband on Match.com, says to be genuine and honest, especially with your on-line user name, which is the first glimpse of you that a woman will get. “We want you to get our attention, not our delete button. So try to be genuine and romantic with your user name.”
2. Tickle her funny bone.
“Woman love men with a sense of humor. It’s not all about flowery prose and impressing us. Making us laugh is a great trigger to keep us reading,” Murray says. “That doesn’t mean I once saw a man from Nantucket funny”, she adds, “but a high-spirited, laugh-at-yourself sense of humor that shows women you don’t take yourself too seriously. No woman wants to date a wet blanket,” Murray says. “If you’re too hard or too serious, that’s a big turn-off.”
3. Avoid all negatives.
“Nobody likes a toxic negative personality. Talking about what you don’t want — No smokers, children, or heavy women –just makes you look bitter and disappointed,” says Ross Jeffries, the self-proclaimed original pick-up artist and the man whom Tom Cruise’s character, Frank T.J. Mackey, in the 1999 film Magnolia was reportedly based. “Who wants that?”
4. Be descriptive, be compelling:
Jeffries is a big advocate of using sensory rich language. “For men, if you can put it on a chart, a graph, or a stock report, it isn’t what makes for a compelling profile,” he says. “Instead of saying that you like to snowboard, describe it in sensory-rich terms, “The crunch of the snow, the rush of the adrenaline, surrendering to the acceleration and the wind…”
5. No lie too small:
“It might be tempting to stretch the truth, but sooner or later, being less than honest will catch up to you. With Google only a keystroke away, any potential dates can easily discover whether you started the 7th game of the World Series last year or served as a body double for Patrick Dempsey on Grey’s Anatomy. Show your potential dates the real you,” advises Amy Schoen, a relationships coach who counsels divorced men and women. “If you put down stuff that you are not, you will attract the wrong people and eventually it will come out. For example, if you can’t stand cats and say you like animals, then what will you do if your date has a cat!”Better yet, being honest increases the chances of meeting the right women for you. It is absolutely best to be honest and upfront with your profile,” adds Schoen. Describe what you need and want in a relationship.
“Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want — as long as it is socially appropriate. If you want marriage and a family, then put that down in your profile. You will attract those who want the same things as you and turn away those who would be scared by that comment. That’s a good thing.”
6. Make it a photo finish.
Shoen believes it’s a good idea to hire a professional for an online photograph. “We do live in a visual society and we do judge a book by a cover,” she explains. Studies have shown that the photo is the key to whether a person decides to check out your profile or not. If you are not sure how you come across in the photo, then ask a friend or co-worker for their opinion. “I request my clients to get a professional photo 95percent off the time.” Shoen says to make sure the photo is a current one of you, within a year or two. ”Also, make sure you have at least one head-and-shoulders shot, with no sunglasses or hat getting in the way.”
7. Don’t oversell.
In fact, Jeffries believes that guys shouldn’t sell at all. “Instead of selling, try to story-tell and educate women on who you are and how you live and who you’d like to share it all with,” he says. “But don’t plead/beg/whine. Think offer”, instead. “Remember you don’t have to sell a gift, but it is ok to wrap it nicely.”
In closing your profile, leave something to the imagination. Belinda Rachman, a divorce mediator who found her husband in the personals section of the Village Voice 20 years ago, says a good way to wrap things up is point out how much fun you’d have together. “When attempting to attract a woman who will be just right for you, it is important to truthfully convey what it is she will be getting,” says Rachman. “To do that, try describing a fun evening from your point of view. That way, if it sounds like fun to her, at the very least, the two of you will have a good time on your first date.”
Lastly, if you want to attract women who are looking for a potential husband, Rachman says that a few lines about your child rearing philosophy can show you are serious. “Remember, the two most common reasons marriages fail are fights about money and child rearing,” she says. “The more in alignment the two of you are in those areas, the better chance for a lasting relationship.”
