Mental Health: Imagine Life after Divorce and Do What You Need to Change Now
So, you think you’re confused now? Wait until you are divorced.
Picture this. You’ve been married for 10 years, you’ve got kids that are healthy, outgoing and doing great. So you have some ups and downs with your spouse, but in general things are going ok. You go for vacations together, have your time apart and sleep together every night. You talk about everything that is important and you keep the not so important stuff to yourself. You eat together, play together, fight together and make love together.
Fast forward to 15 years from now, when your kids are getting increasingly independent, you still take some vacations together, but now the kids don’t really want to hang out with the parents, and while you still talk to your spouse, things have changed. Not that you don’t love each other anymore, but you don’t feel the same as you did five years ago. You start taking some vacations apart, because it’s ok to do so, and while on vacation, you may notice a few things that you never noticed before, someone attractive that appeals to you.
You come back, and continue your life, drive the kids here and there, talk to your spouse because they’re still your best friend and you make love.
A few years down the road, something happens and your spouse doesn’t seem to want you as much, doesn’t talk as much, and is distant. No more Sunday breakfasts, the kids are gone half the time anyway and you start doing your own thing. Someone at work seems increasingly attractive to you and you start to enjoy it, but you keep it to yourself. You go home as usual and say nothing as usual and don’t make love anymore.
One day your spouse comes home and tells you that they want to separate. They move out and leave you all alone. The negotiation process is hard, and stressful and you wonder what the hell just happened. Now you’re alone and going online for something to do because the kids are gone, your spouse is gone, and so are most of your friends. You don’t know what to do for Christmas because you’ve been spending the last 20 years or so with your family and you are miserable, in debt and alone.
So you start meeting new people and start having fun, but then find out that your spouse wants a divorce and the negotiation continues because after 20 years or more there’s a lot of emotions tied to all the material goods that had been collected over the years. You start hating what’s happening and notice that its affecting your current relationships to the point that they don’t want to see you anymore, so you end up alone; alone and unhappy.
Then you start thinking of the early days, when the kids were younger and you couldn’t wait to spend time with your spouse, couldn’t wait to see your spouse, to talk to them, to make love to them. You’re so confused.
After all this you begin to realize a few things. It’s hard to start over. Although not impossible it will never be the same. What you had once is gone forever and now you have to learn how to live all over again. If all that needed to be done to remain in your marriage were to meet your partner half way, you’d have done it. You could have done your part, and they should have known their part. They should have told you how to help meet their needs and you could have showed them. You could have stopped taking them for granted, and they should have known better. After all, they’re supposed to know that they are still loved, even after 20 years and you knew that they’d always be there for you.
Right?
Wake up! You’ve been dreaming. It’s a brand new day. Grab hold of it, and do something about it. NOW.
