What does divorce mediation need to address? So many details often get left out without a plan to cover not only the basics, but also concepts and plans to help keep agreements sustainable over time. Good mediation takes into account a historical perspective brought to the table by each person, and allows time to discuss how history may not fit with now. Times change, people change and expectations change.
During divorce mediation, couples who have never considered the freedoms of divorce are often dealing with rage, disappointment, hurt, broken dreams, and a startling new look at reality. It is easy to blame each other, relatives, children, step-children, and even God in these moments. When worlds collapse, some people are survivors and some give up and quit. Mediation is a time of testing each person’s strength of character and sense of purpose.
It is and should be a process which does more than simply hammer out agreements and get a couple through the court process. It is time to take stock of all that has been created as part of the marriage, and to carefully undo the fabric of the marriage without leaving the remaining material in tatters.
Some of the things that good mediation can offer are:
- Time and patience to work through details and make reasonable plans.
- Honest reflection of the feelings that surface, and the impact of those feelings on the ability to reach reasonable agreements.
- An assortment of ideas to try on different ways to resolve issues that will leave everyone in their best possible place.
- Practices and techniques for decision making, and recognizing realistic goals and systems to continue to manage the things that remain joined.
- Boundaries or guidelines while working out agreements.
- Focus to help move things along with an end goal in sight.
- Structure to keep the overwhelming issues in bite-sized pieces so everyone has time to digest the changes.
- Respect that allows for differences of opinion and ways to recognize similarities and strengths.
Divorce mediation can help couples learn to say thank you to each other for lessons learned. It is a time for untangling the intimacies and respecting the responsibilities that have been created as part of the marriage. Even though mediation is considered to be an easier, softer way to divorce over traditional litigation, it is actually a great challenge and should be undertaken by those who wish their lives going forward to reflect as much growth as possible from their experience.
