I wish this question could be answered with the more exciting things we all consider when we think about getting married. That there may be flowers, friends and family, and great food. But perhaps remembering the planning that went into the marriage ceremony is not a bad place to start this conversation. It may or may not have been a big deal at the time; however, it signified beginning of the contractual nature of the relationship. Rethinking one’s willingness to take that step sometimes helps us slow down and be more comfortable with the divorce process.
Divorce is the term used to capture many variations of the process which occurs when people decide to undo their marriage. There are other terms that sometimes get discussed. They include terms like annulment, post-nuptial agreement, and separation agreement. Divorce results in each person returning to a separate and single life. It includes a determination of who gets what, and who takes care of ongoing obligations, both financial and to each other and any children. Because many people are unaware of the full spectrum of underlying contractual obligations they took on at the time of the marriage, it can be a steep learning curve as various obligations get determined and sorted out. A good team can help to educate and inform a couple so that decisions can be made which will create the smoothest possible transition.
Considering alternatives determines what one can expect from the divorce process. First, if each person starts by retaining an attorney, it is important to know that this may be the most conflicting and time-intensive way to divorce, as well as possibly the most expensive. The other side of the coin is that good divorce attorneys are up-to-date on the most current case law and can advise you about specific issues that may be relevant to your circumstances. Many people today still choose this path as a way of handing over something they do not have the knowledge to deal with, or when they feel there is too much conflict to handle it themselves. The outcome can be a surprise even with the best attorneys as attorneys are trained to advocate for one side, and some attorneys still do not begin a case with strong focus on reducing conflict and reaching agreement.
On the other hand, there is a branch of legal counsel who are collaborative lawyers. These attorneys often start by having their clients sign an agreement not to litigate or go to trial, but rather to work toward agreements. This process usually includes two attorneys, and some other experts to help the family learn what they need to know and make decisions.
A third option is for divorcing couples to simply fill out forms and hope that they have covered everything even things the couples might not know. It does happen that couples complete forms and do not list all the property and debts, thinking that they can figure it out later. This can lead to complicated situations that are not easily remedied once a decree is signed by the judge and filed in the court.
A fourth option is to start with a mediator or team of mediators, specializing in divorce and child custody, who can walk couples through some general information about issues that need to be considered and allow them to discover their own creative ways to address them. This process can include counsel from attorneys to review decisions and provide additional questions or information. Attorneys can also help craft the remaining documents needed to submit agreements to the court. Mediation can also result in agreements that are complete and clear enough to submit to the court using the local court’s basic forms.
No matter which path you choose to work through your divorce, it is important to realize it is a process, and it will take some time to ensure that all the bases are covered.
