When we put on wedding rings, we often literally say, “This is a symbol of our vows.” The vows to “love, honor, cherish, as long as we both shall live.” Whew! That’s heavy. And when we no longer feel that way about someone and we decide to dissolve those vows, when do we take off the symbols? What do we do with them?
Deciding to take off your wedding ring pre-divorce may be perceived as cruel or vindictive by your spouse or kids. Therefore, it’s probably not wise to do something that might increase stress for the family, or be remembered as the most awful part of the divorce. Some rings are family heirlooms, some are simple tokens, but they all have the commonality of having represented the highest hopes a couple shared, the great dream of the white picket fence and forevermore.
It is normal to feel things like anger, hurt, disappointment, sorrow, and fear when dreams end and hopes turn out unrealized. Yet, as we experience shifts in relationships, perhaps it’s wiser to find kinder, more thoughtful ways to let go of symbols like rings when their purpose has ended or changed. Perhaps the rings that once symbolized hope and promises can still hold a ribbon of appreciation for what was learned together as a couple, and if there were children from the marriage, then gratitude for what resulted from the union.
So it is not much a question of exactly when to take the rings off as what should you do with them. It is a very individual decision for each couple. In the same way each wedding ceremony has individual touches that are usually planned, the decision to take off wedding rings should be something that is carefully considered by both parties.
There is no cut-and-dried rule for what to do with old wedding rings. There are many possibilities, and they need not all be negative. Here are some options:
- Cherish your wedding ring and wear it now and then in respect for the good times you remember or the children that resulted from your marriage.
- Return the ring politely to the ex and the family treasure chest.
- Sell the ring and use the proceeds for your children’s college fund or donate the money to a charity.
- If you and your ex are on good terms, consider taking both rings to a jeweler and reusing the metal or resetting the stones in a new piece of jewelry for your children. This is a united approach that preserves a valuable, meaningful heirloom for your kids.
Whatever decision is made about taking off rings and what to do with them, remember that it may be as important as the decision to marry in the first place. Therefore, the act of removing rings and choosing how to put them down or away is best approached jointly with mutual thoughtfulness and consideration.
Some people are choosing to have quiet, dignified divorce ceremonies instead of divorce wars. Wevorce encourages this approach. This allows couples to think up creative ways to say thank you and goodbye to their relationship, and hello to the rest of their journey as individuals. When the day comes that couples no longer feel shame and rage at the time of divorce, we may begin to see lives that have been woven together in marriage recycled by gently unweaving the threads and recreating new patterns.
